Have you ever thought, “Four years of seminary education on top of a four-year undergraduate degree is an awful lot of training time to prepare a person for leadership in ministry?” We have a solution to this dilemma! Based on the phenomena of “Rock Band” and “Guitar Hero” we are pleased to introduce the latest in technological prowess … “Clergy Hero”
Are you fearful of going off rhythm when trying to chant a Psalm? Don’t worry – “Clergy Hero” has the answer for you. The intern, following along on a monitor that is disguised to look like the hymnal, can easily follow the notes of going up the scale and where and when to make an emphasis. The computer chip is place in the wireless microphone which records your pitch changes and evaluates your performance. And just like “Rock Band” your Assistants and Congregation can help you out by scoring high in the “call and response”. (Available with the upgrade package only.) After you complete the base level, you can move to the more complicated Psalmody levels.
Are you feeling like Martin Luther? Are you trembling thinking about the first time you’ll preside at Communion? Be not afraid! We have good news for you! Our newly revised ‘Bread & Wine’ package allows you to try multiple levels from low-church piety all the way to high-church. Again using our patented (and cleverly disguised) electronic hymnal monitor “Clergy Hero” scrutinizes your voice cadence and the accuracy of your use of the Words of Institution as well as how high you lift the bread and cup.
“Clergy Hero” – the ‘must have’ for all those considering ministry! Rock on for Ages while you hone your skills in a fraction of the time and expense you will spend at seminary. Register here for your exclusive opportunity to be ……..a ‘Clergy Hero.’
This announcement has been brought to you exclusively from the warped mind of Gerald Golem. He wasn’t even drinking when he came up with this one. And people chastise me for not giving credit where credit is due!
Perhaps you need to email this post to some seminary and pastor friends of yours…
Possibly we should get a patent on this multi-million dollar idea first!
Gerald apologizes for the delay in responding to this creative post but he tells me the reason is because as a real hero he’s been out saving the world on numerous occasions in the past couple of days!
Besides, he got a telemarketing call from Prime Minister Stephen Harper’s office and the Conservative Party of Canada this morning. He wasn’t home but when his message-taker told him about it, he’s thinking maybe he’s in the running for an Order of Canada, or some such thing!
Wow! Order of Canada – what order is Gerald going to place?
I got a Christmas card from Belinda Stronach. We Golems are a famous bunch, eh?
Well grounded Canadians, eh!
The “YOU KNOW WHAT” is getting sort of thick don’t you think??
Well, John, molasses always gets thick when the temperature dips. That is what you are referring to, right??
Kristin, in response to your “What order is Gerald going to place?” you should know that here in Ontario we only know FIRST!
Mary: What I was speaking of does not need to be hot or cold to thickin I’m thinkin!!